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        <h1 id="关键对话：如何高效能沟通"><a href="#关键对话：如何高效能沟通" class="headerlink" title="关键对话：如何高效能沟通"></a>关键对话：如何高效能沟通</h1><h2 id="一-什么是关键对话"><a href="#一-什么是关键对话" class="headerlink" title="一 什么是关键对话"></a>一 什么是关键对话</h2><blockquote>
<p>沟通的最大问题在于，人们相当然地认为已经沟通了。 ——萧伯纳</p>
</blockquote>
<p>关键对话的三个特征</p>
<ul>
<li>不同的观点</li>
<li>巨大的风险</li>
<li>强烈的情绪</li>
</ul>
<a id="more"></a>

<p>关键对话造成的结果会对生活质量造成巨大的影响。尽管关键对话的重要性很高，但我们在面对他时却经常退缩，因为我们担心直面问题会让问题变得更糟糕，这种心理让我们变成了逃避关键对话的大师（用邮件沟通而不是面对面，改变话题而不是积极面对）。除此之外，还有一个问题就是不知道如何开始关键对话，因为没有见过成功进行沟通的模式。</p>
<p>成功应对关键对话能够改善人际关系，改善个人健康。</p>
<h2 id="二-掌握关键对话"><a href="#二-掌握关键对话" class="headerlink" title="二 掌握关键对话"></a>二 掌握关键对话</h2><blockquote>
<p>当我们面对重要问题保持沉默时，我们的生活便开始上演悲剧。 ——马丁路德金</p>
</blockquote>
<p>面对关键对话时，常见的心理是要么说出良药苦口的事实激怒对方，要么保全面子违心接受对方观点，这被称为“傻瓜式选择”。如何摆脱傻瓜式选择？相关信息的自由交流，充分表达观点。营造共享观点库，一步步让彼此的观点加入其中，共享观点库是实现协同效应的前提，让人们团结起来。</p>
<h2 id="三-从心开始，如何确定目标"><a href="#三-从心开始，如何确定目标" class="headerlink" title="三 从心开始，如何确定目标"></a>三 从心开始，如何确定目标</h2><blockquote>
<p>怒不可遏时的话语是最令人后悔的表达 —— 安布罗斯比尔斯</p>
</blockquote>
<p>常见的错误沟通习惯：争辩不休、沉默不语、自以为是。</p>
<p>在展开关键对话时，首先要明确目的和动机，无论出现什么情况，这个目的都不能动摇。在对话中遇到冒犯自己的问题或者在对话开始前，首先要审视自己：</p>
<ul>
<li>希望为自己实现什么目标</li>
<li>希望为对方实现什么目标</li>
<li>希望为彼此的关系实现什么目标</li>
<li><strong>想要实现以上目标该怎么做</strong></li>
</ul>
<p>询问目的问题的意义在于：提醒自己真正关注的重要目标是什么，让麻木的大脑重新活跃起来，帮助我们关注对话目标。</p>
<h3 id="小结"><a href="#小结" class="headerlink" title="小结"></a>小结</h3><h4 id="从我做起"><a href="#从我做起" class="headerlink" title="从我做起"></a>从我做起</h4><p>记住，自己唯一能够直接控制的人只有自己。</p>
<h4 id="关注真正目的"><a href="#关注真正目的" class="headerlink" title="关注真正目的"></a>关注真正目的</h4><ul>
<li>发现自己即将陷入沉默或者暴力时，停止对话，冷静思考自己的动机。</li>
<li>问自己：我现在的行为显示出我的动机是什么？</li>
<li>明确自己真正目的，问自己：我想为自己他人和人际关系做些什么？</li>
<li>最后问自己：如果这是我真正的目的，我该怎么做？</li>
</ul>
<h4 id="拒绝“傻瓜式选择”"><a href="#拒绝“傻瓜式选择”" class="headerlink" title="拒绝“傻瓜式选择”"></a>拒绝“傻瓜式选择”</h4><ul>
<li>在分析行为目的时，留意在哪些情况下会做出傻瓜式选择。</li>
<li>留意自己是否总是告诉自己必须在说实话和顾面子之间做出两极化选择。</li>
<li>分析自己希望看到的情况和不希望看到的情况，然后思考两全的方案。</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="四-注意观察-如何判断对话氛围是否安全"><a href="#四-注意观察-如何判断对话氛围是否安全" class="headerlink" title="四 注意观察 如何判断对话氛围是否安全"></a>四 注意观察 如何判断对话氛围是否安全</h2><blockquote>
<p>没有一个无赖认为自己是无赖，自知之明简直是一种美德。 ——韦达</p>
</blockquote>
<p>只有在安全的对话气氛中，你才可以畅所欲言。顾名思义，对话需要双方实现观点的自由交流。对对话机制来说，阻止观点交流的最大元凶莫过于恐惧感。当你担心对方拒绝接受你的看法时，你便会表现得非常强势，迫使对方接受自己。当你担心说出真实看法会受到某种伤害时，你便会犹豫退缩，隐藏内心。显然，无论时对抗还是逃避，这些反应全是由恐惧感造成的。<strong>只要在对话中营造出足够安全的气氛，你可以随心所欲地讨论问题，对方会全神贯注聆听你的看法。同样，如果不怕受到攻击或者羞辱，你可以坦诚接受对方的任何观点而不产生抵触情绪。</strong></p>
<p>营造安全对话氛围的方法</p>
<ul>
<li>观察对话内容和对话气氛</li>
<li>观察对话在哪些情况下会变得难以处理</li>
<li>观察安全问题</li>
<li>观察对方是否进入沉默或暴力应对状态</li>
<li>观察你的错误应对方式会在什么情况下出现</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="五-保证安全-如何让对方畅所欲言"><a href="#五-保证安全-如何让对方畅所欲言" class="headerlink" title="五 保证安全 如何让对方畅所欲言"></a>五 保证安全 如何让对方畅所欲言</h2><blockquote>
<p>一句话说的合宜，就像金苹果在银篮子里。 ——《圣经 箴言》25：11</p>
</blockquote>
<p>如何修复安全气氛？</p>
<p>强调共同性，真正关注对方利益。互相尊重，当人们感受到对方不尊重自己时，安全感马上就会出现危机，对话戛然而止。<strong>实际上，尊重感的丧失通常是因为我们认为对方和自己不同，如果我们能把对方看成和自己差不多的人，尊重感自然不会丢失，我们要做的是努力理解对方学会站在对方的角度看问题。</strong></p>
<p>修复安全氛围的三种方式：道歉，对比说明（我并不希望。。。，而是希望。。。），创造共同目的。</p>
<h3 id="小结-1"><a href="#小结-1" class="headerlink" title="小结"></a>小结</h3><h4 id="暂停对话"><a href="#暂停对话" class="headerlink" title="暂停对话"></a>暂停对话</h4><p>当发现对方沉默或者暴力应对时，应当暂停对话，营造安全气氛。安全感一旦恢复，你就可以继续进行对话了。</p>
<h4 id="判断哪种安全因素出现危机"><a href="#判断哪种安全因素出现危机" class="headerlink" title="判断哪种安全因素出现危机"></a>判断哪种安全因素出现危机</h4><ul>
<li>共同目的——对方是否觉得你在对话过程中关注他们的目的？是否认同你的对话动机？</li>
<li>相互尊重——在对话过程中，对方是否感觉到你尊重他们？</li>
</ul>
<h4 id="在必要时向对方道歉"><a href="#在必要时向对方道歉" class="headerlink" title="在必要时向对方道歉"></a>在必要时向对方道歉</h4><ul>
<li>当你的做法破坏尊重感时，应当向对方道歉。</li>
</ul>
<h4 id="利用对比法消除对方的误解"><a href="#利用对比法消除对方的误解" class="headerlink" title="利用对比法消除对方的误解"></a>利用对比法消除对方的误解</h4><ul>
<li>当对方误解你的目的或意图时，利用对比法消除误会。先说明你不希望如何如何，然后再说明你想要怎样。</li>
</ul>
<h4 id="提出共同目的"><a href="#提出共同目的" class="headerlink" title="提出共同目的"></a>提出共同目的</h4><p>当和对方目的不一致时，利用四步法营造共同目的：</p>
<ul>
<li>积极寻找共同目的</li>
<li>识别策略背后的目的</li>
<li>开发共同目的</li>
<li>和对方共同构思新策略</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="六-控制想法-如何在愤怒-恐惧或受伤的情况下展开对话"><a href="#六-控制想法-如何在愤怒-恐惧或受伤的情况下展开对话" class="headerlink" title="六 控制想法 如何在愤怒/恐惧或受伤的情况下展开对话"></a>六 控制想法 如何在愤怒/恐惧或受伤的情况下展开对话</h2><ul>
<li>情绪不是别人强加给你的，让你产生情绪的只能是自己。</li>
<li>产生情绪有两种选择，控制它，或者被它控制。</li>
</ul>
<p>行为方式模型</p>
<p>所见所闻》主观臆断》形成感受》产生行为</p>
<p>控制想法的技巧</p>
<p>想办法放慢节奏，关注自己的行为表现，询问自己是否产生了沉默或者暴力的应对方式。确定行为背后的感受，询问自己是什么情绪导致自己做出这种行为。分析感受背后的想法是什么，询问自己产生这种情绪的想法是什么。寻找想法背后的事实，询问自己这种想法产生的依据。</p>
<p>通过以上反推，让自己置身于思考和质疑的活动中，进而改变其中的一个或多个因素。</p>
<h2 id="七-陈述观点-如何循序善诱而非独断专行"><a href="#七-陈述观点-如何循序善诱而非独断专行" class="headerlink" title="七 陈述观点 如何循序善诱而非独断专行"></a>七 陈述观点 如何循序善诱而非独断专行</h2><blockquote>
<p>在有人称其直言不讳时反问:“还有人比我更直言不讳吗？” ——多西罗 帕克</p>
</blockquote>
<p>讨论敏感问题的五个步骤</p>
<ul>
<li>分享事实经过</li>
<li>说出自己的想法</li>
<li>征询对方的观点</li>
<li>做出试探表达/提问</li>
<li>鼓励对方做出回答</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="八-了解动机-如何帮助对方走出沉默或暴力状态"><a href="#八-了解动机-如何帮助对方走出沉默或暴力状态" class="headerlink" title="八 了解动机 如何帮助对方走出沉默或暴力状态"></a>八 了解动机 如何帮助对方走出沉默或暴力状态</h2><blockquote>
<p>说服别人的一个最好方法就是用你的耳朵——听听他们在讲什么。 ——迪恩 拉斯克</p>
</blockquote>
<p>自我审视——做好倾听的准备：表现出高度的好奇心。</p>
<p>四种倾听手段</p>
<ul>
<li>询问观点</li>
<li>向对方确认对方感受</li>
<li>重复描述对方观点</li>
<li>主动引导对方表达观点</li>
</ul>
<p>分享观点要注意以下几点</p>
<ul>
<li>赞同对方与自己的共同观点</li>
<li>赞同过后及时补充自己和对方的共同观点</li>
<li>当双方观点差距过大时，要对双方观点进行比较</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="九-开始行动-如何把关键对话转变成行动和结果"><a href="#九-开始行动-如何把关键对话转变成行动和结果" class="headerlink" title="九 开始行动 如何把关键对话转变成行动和结果"></a>九 开始行动 如何把关键对话转变成行动和结果</h2><blockquote>
<p>每个人都有能力选择不作为。 ——塞缪尔 约翰逊</p>
</blockquote>
<p><strong>对话并非决策。</strong></p>
<p>决策的四种方式</p>
<ul>
<li>命令式 （独自做出决策）</li>
<li>顾问式 （做出决策前咨询相关人士意见）</li>
<li>投票式 （在现成方案中挑选其中一个即可）</li>
<li>共识式 （福音也是梦魇，意味着讨论到每个人都取得一致意见）</li>
</ul>

      
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              <div class="post-toc-content"><ol class="nav"><li class="nav-item nav-level-1"><a class="nav-link" href="#关键对话：如何高效能沟通"><span class="nav-number">1.</span> <span class="nav-text">关键对话：如何高效能沟通</span></a><ol class="nav-child"><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#一-什么是关键对话"><span class="nav-number">1.1.</span> <span class="nav-text">一 什么是关键对话</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#二-掌握关键对话"><span class="nav-number">1.2.</span> <span class="nav-text">二 掌握关键对话</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#三-从心开始，如何确定目标"><span class="nav-number">1.3.</span> <span class="nav-text">三 从心开始，如何确定目标</span></a><ol class="nav-child"><li class="nav-item nav-level-3"><a class="nav-link" href="#小结"><span class="nav-number">1.3.1.</span> <span class="nav-text">小结</span></a><ol class="nav-child"><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#从我做起"><span class="nav-number">1.3.1.1.</span> <span class="nav-text">从我做起</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#关注真正目的"><span class="nav-number">1.3.1.2.</span> <span class="nav-text">关注真正目的</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#拒绝“傻瓜式选择”"><span class="nav-number">1.3.1.3.</span> <span class="nav-text">拒绝“傻瓜式选择”</span></a></li></ol></li></ol></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#四-注意观察-如何判断对话氛围是否安全"><span class="nav-number">1.4.</span> <span class="nav-text">四 注意观察 如何判断对话氛围是否安全</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#五-保证安全-如何让对方畅所欲言"><span class="nav-number">1.5.</span> <span class="nav-text">五 保证安全 如何让对方畅所欲言</span></a><ol class="nav-child"><li class="nav-item nav-level-3"><a class="nav-link" href="#小结-1"><span class="nav-number">1.5.1.</span> <span class="nav-text">小结</span></a><ol class="nav-child"><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#暂停对话"><span class="nav-number">1.5.1.1.</span> <span class="nav-text">暂停对话</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#判断哪种安全因素出现危机"><span class="nav-number">1.5.1.2.</span> <span class="nav-text">判断哪种安全因素出现危机</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#在必要时向对方道歉"><span class="nav-number">1.5.1.3.</span> <span class="nav-text">在必要时向对方道歉</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#利用对比法消除对方的误解"><span class="nav-number">1.5.1.4.</span> <span class="nav-text">利用对比法消除对方的误解</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-4"><a class="nav-link" href="#提出共同目的"><span class="nav-number">1.5.1.5.</span> <span class="nav-text">提出共同目的</span></a></li></ol></li></ol></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#六-控制想法-如何在愤怒-恐惧或受伤的情况下展开对话"><span class="nav-number">1.6.</span> <span class="nav-text">六 控制想法 如何在愤怒/恐惧或受伤的情况下展开对话</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#七-陈述观点-如何循序善诱而非独断专行"><span class="nav-number">1.7.</span> <span class="nav-text">七 陈述观点 如何循序善诱而非独断专行</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#八-了解动机-如何帮助对方走出沉默或暴力状态"><span class="nav-number">1.8.</span> <span class="nav-text">八 了解动机 如何帮助对方走出沉默或暴力状态</span></a></li><li class="nav-item nav-level-2"><a class="nav-link" href="#九-开始行动-如何把关键对话转变成行动和结果"><span class="nav-number">1.9.</span> <span class="nav-text">九 开始行动 如何把关键对话转变成行动和结果</span></a></li></ol></li></ol></div>
            

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                    var start = position - 20;
                    var end = position + 80;
                    if(start < 0){
                      start = 0;
                    }
                    if (end < position + word.length) {
                      end = position + word.length;
                    }
                    if(end > content.length){
                      end = content.length;
                    }
                    slicesOfContent.push(mergeIntoSlice(content, start, end, indexOfContent));
                  }

                  // sort slices in content by search text's count and hits' count

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                    if (sliceLeft.searchTextCount !== sliceRight.searchTextCount) {
                      return sliceRight.searchTextCount - sliceLeft.searchTextCount;
                    } else if (sliceLeft.hits.length !== sliceRight.hits.length) {
                      return sliceRight.hits.length - sliceLeft.hits.length;
                    } else {
                      return sliceLeft.start - sliceRight.start;
                    }
                  });

                  // select top N slices in content

                  var upperBound = parseInt('1');
                  if (upperBound >= 0) {
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                  // highlight title and content

                  function highlightKeyword(text, slice) {
                    var result = '';
                    var prevEnd = slice.start;
                    slice.hits.forEach(function (hit) {
                      result += text.substring(prevEnd, hit.position);
                      var end = hit.position + hit.length;
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                      prevEnd = end;
                    });
                    result += text.substring(prevEnd, slice.end);
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                  var resultItem = '';

                  if (slicesOfTitle.length != 0) {
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                  } else {
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                  slicesOfContent.forEach(function (slice) {
                    resultItem += "<a href='" + articleUrl + "'>" +
                      "<p class=\"search-result\">" + highlightKeyword(content, slice) +
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                  });

                  resultItem += "</li>";
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                    hitCount: hitCount,
                    id: resultItems.length
                  });
                }
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            if (keywords.length === 1 && keywords[0] === "") {
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                } else {
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              var searchResultList = '<ul class=\"search-result-list\">';
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                searchResultList += result.item;
              })
              searchResultList += "</ul>";
              resultContent.innerHTML = searchResultList;
            }
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          // remove loading animation
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          proceedsearch();
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      }
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